Effort for Abstract

This post is way overdue. I think these works were accomplished last year by me and my officemate toni. i shared with them my discovery about working with MS Paint which Toni also tried her hand on.

family picnic by mitzi











mood series by toni

It was amazing how these discoveries on how we were able to create our 'works of art' revealed something about ourselves. You see, as much as they admired the way i was able to 'paint' a portaits of people, like this family, using a difficult medium such as MS Paint, I've also wanted to be able to come up with abstract art as one of my works using this software.

However, as attempted to create an abstract figure, much to my dismay, I only found myself coming up with patterns much like a wallpaper or textile design. While Toni's work came effortlessly and enjoyably for her, i could not seem to make one of my own.
It's interesting how we realized what could be behind the reasons for our creating such works.

As i talked to Toni. I discovered, that she generally does not find it difficult to go with the flow and make something up wiht the things she is given with without any specific goal or objective in mind. Somehow, she eventually finds it along the way.

I've always thought of myself to be the same way. But with these works, and with the help of Toni, i realized that it's actually quite hard for me to do something or go forward if i do not have a visual of any objective in mind. What motivates me is the end objective I see for whatever it is that i do.

I don't know how Toni sees this realization about her more 'abstract' predisposition has manifested in her life. But i seem to have understood myself more with the realization about my 'profiler/realistic' tencencies.

As i work now. I somehow find, that i will find more fulfillment with doing something where i will have a concrete output that will directly affect something. An end to a process. It seems that work that involves tracking and constant updates do not fit me very well, because these are types of work where there isn't a concrete end in sight.

I've also realized that setting an objective for myself also makes it easier for me to get over and move on with things. The knowledge that there's an end to whatever pain helps.
In my life in general, I'm still finding myself quite lost with regard to what my real purpose in life is. I believe I have discerned that I am for the married life. However, as i work towards that, there is still an uneasiness about me as i am not yet seeing myself fulfilling it anytime soon.

At this point, finding him (i may have found him already) and having him here with me already will really do a lot in setting the direction of my life. The ;'what' is important, but even more important to me it seems, is the 'with whom'.