07 07 10

Today’s Psalm.

PSALM 121:1-8

I lift my eyes up to the hills—Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, The Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— He who watches over you will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore.

Things seem to have gone full circle. When I was down right after I learned of the disappointing news on what I was about to experience, I asked for the Lord for His message of comfort and guidance. I opened the Bible to a random page and pointed to a random verse and saw these verses of the Psalm.

These lines indeed gave me comfort and affirmation that things will be okay. And I also have my family and my wonderful friends who were there for me and showed me their utmost concern and love for me. I thank the Lord or these angels whom He's sent me.

Today, this is the responsorial Psalm for today’s readings. Today, when just last Friday, I’ve been already offered a position at another company. The Lord is providing for me and taking care of me. He indeed takes care of all of us.

May God be praised!

image taken from this site: http://klaudiamarrgallery.com/Invitational_Exhibits/2009_-_Evenly_Scattered/more2.html

Is It Really Time To Go?

How come no matter how much I try to be enthused with what I'm doing. There's a nagging voice inside of me that keeps contradicting the value and worth of what I do?

Why is there such an internal struggle? ~

No Need To Rush

Had a nice, interesting talk with Ms. Gigi today. Though I'm hoping for a world of possibilities opening up for me stemming for out talk over lunch, that thought will be for another post - which I hope I'll have the change of writing about somehow.

This post is more on something she said, which struck me just a while ago. 'Don't get pressured' she said. What was she referring to? Marriage.

It gave me an idea, a thought. Something to think about and discuss with JB. She was talking about how the age of 30 opens up so many new things for a person. Specially one with a pretty active & social adult life. Though I think I've got a pretty average social life.

Anyways, talk of our plans for marriage late next year came up. And what she tells me is not to be pressured, there's no need to rush. That I'm still young, only 30. Imagine that. Come to think of it. Hers isn't the usual reaction I'd usually get when I share about wedding plans looming in the air. Others would usually say something like 'Good for you' or 'It's about time'.

Though I do want to get married, I've actually been feeling that it's not something I exactly want to rush or can't wait to jump into. I'm actually feeling not feeling the pressure or urgency of having to have to get married by end of next year. Though I'm a bit concerned, I'm not panicking that we still don't have savings in preparation for the wedding & married life.

I think deep inside. I'm not in a rush.

Why are women usually in such a rush to get married? It's to be able to have babies. To be honest, with all the things I've seen other women go through with regard to pregnancies, I think I've tried not to be too anxious about wanting to have a child of my own. I'm quite open to the possibility that we might not have any kids, since I've reached the age of 30 and still haven't borne a child. They say it's harder to get pregnant if you haven't given birth at least once before you're 30.

I realized that there's still so much I could do or maybe with the possibility of marriage in the near future, the thought of the new responsibilities that goes along with marriage, being a wife - or eventually a mother - makes me a bit nervous. Maybe the first step of being a wife is something I can handle, but being a mother is a totally different thing.

I've never wanted to be a doctor because I never wanted to be in the position where someone's life is somehow, in my hands. Now thinking about motherhood, well, isn't that the same thing? The life of your child's hands is in your hands.

I'm not saying I don't want to be a mother. I'm sure when the time comes, I'd know what to do. That's nature's way of taking care of things & that's how the Lord designed us anyways.

But I guess, at this point, the thing is, I don't need to rush. As I said, we still don't have enough savings anyways. And JB's still quite young and there's still a lot of things he wants and could do. We can still enjoy single life and life with our families together.

So, what am I saying? Am I saying it's okay to delay the the marriage a bit more? ..... Not really, it's more of just maintaing the state of mind that there's no need to rush. No need to feel pressured. Things will fall into place anyway eventually.

The thing is I've found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to plan on how we'll be doing just that.

Goodness, I think I just experienced some kind of hypnotic lapse. For a splitsecond, before writing this piece, I think I actually entertained, being okay with waiting for 4 more years before getting married. So that we can still experience other things and save more. Now that I think about it, not that I'm in a rush really, but I think it would still be good if we are able to save up & have enough money to push through with our wedding end of next year ;)

What was i thinking?....

Passion of Mine

When will I finish this if not now? Why can’t I think straight? Why can’t I think clearly? No, it’s not that I can’t think straight or clearly, but more of not being able to think about work; about getting down to work.

Is it because I don’t like repeating something I’ve already done? Or I don’t like working on something I’m not sure of. It may be the case. There’s nothing more frustrating than working so hard on something, only knowing in the end – or near the end- that you’ve been moving in the wrong direction all this time.

I think that’s what’s been holding me back – most of the time. I’m not too confident about my decisions and choices. Not confident enough to move forward with things and really make the difference that I have to make – even those that I HAVE to make!!! Imagine that.

Sometimes, I really just wonder how I’ve come this far. To that I only give praise & thanks to the Lord for I am truly blessed. I am a testament of His goodness working in my life. Regardless of my capabilities – or incapability for that matter.

Or maybe it’s because I’m just really weak. Weak to fight or face the challenges ahead of me. But then, didn’t I look forward to these challenges? To these changes? Don’t I always advocate how life would be such a joy & an adventure to have unexpected surprises along the way that one could look forward to. Surprises that include the challenges, the challenges that are supposed to strengthen you and change you into the person you should become. Into the person you want to become. Tough you might not even know it yet.

I hope this ranting will bring out something of use for me. I hope this will get me started. I need something more than focus & concentration to be able to do what I need to do. I need a motivation, an inspiration…. the passion. Where art thou passion of mine?

The Beckonig of Lovely

Hold On

This is a nice, inspiring quote which I stumbled upon which I want (and maybe even need) to go back to every now and then.

Hold on to what is good, even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe, even if it is a tree which stands alone.
Hold on to what you must do, even if it is a long way from here.

–Pueblo Verse

The Smiley

This is somewhat connected to the post on text language some posts back. I just realized, as I was responding to an office email a while ago, what effect texting has on my other means of correspondence.

I noticed, how even as I write emails, it has been a habit to include smileys - variations of it even [ :) or =) ] - as I type. And I realize how I seem to have been using smileys to the point of making it into a punctuation mark of sorts. Not only that, but I actually cringe at the thought at having to erase some of them - or Egad! all of them! - because it takes out the smiley emotion I put in writing the missive.

Interesting how such habits just creep in to other facets of your life... or maybe it's just me.

Careers

Some are just jobs, others are actually a lifestyle. Mine seems to have to be a lifestyle.
Sadly, I realize, I’m not sure if it is the lifestyle that fits me. I just have a little dilemma in finding that it seems I’ve been led to this kind of lifestyle which I thought I wanted but now am not sure if is something I’m meant for…. Now isn’t that strange? or disturbing?.... :o

Toni's Postsecret

This is from my former officemate who recently transferred to a different company. It's a good move for her & I'm happy for her.

What I'm happier about is this message she gave me just before she left. It's called a postsecret only because this officemate of mine, Toni, is the one who would supply almost the entire office with weekly updates on postsecret.blogspot.com.

It's a message I cherish, which is why I'm reposting this on my site -- and I so love the pics she used... here it is:

Dear Mitzi,

Well, it's not exactly a secret. This is more a "thank-you and see you around" note. Because I'm more comfortable writing things than I am saying them, this is a note for you, of things I want to share with you but never have. So I guess it's our little secret in a way.














I'm very proud of how you've grown as a planner. I enjoy hearing you take charge of Nokia and Kraft. When the BAT and Accounts people come up to your desk and ask you questions, seek clarification, and you give them the answers, I smile. It feels like you're watching your little sister grow up. Something like that. I'm proud of you. Keep growing.

I also admire that when you seek clarification yourself, you don't hesitate to ask. That's one of the most important ways to grow -- to acknowledge that we don't know everything, and then learn from those who may know, and are willing to help.

I admire how spiritual you are. I have my own kind of relationship with God, and when I see you or hear your stories, I am reminded of how to become even closer to Him. Thank you for being that quiet mentor. You teach by example, perhaps without your knowing. Thank you for the spiritual and heartwarming e-mails that help remind me of putting some focus back on my faith.

I wish I had your height. Hahaha!

Thank you for putting up with my mood swings.











When you make kwento about yourself and JB, natutuwa ako. I'm reminded of fresh, new love. I'm thankful for that because I still see that kind of love in my relationship with Dennis. So keep that fresh love going. Keep on surprising each other. :)













You have potential Mitzi. I wish you would be given the opportunity to attend seminars and trainings, because I know that with those tools and experiences, you will grow even more. You've got sass that comes out once in awhile, that I know should come out even more. Continue to be strong. You're super bait and I hope that kindness is not abused by any co-worker. Stand your ground, always. You're a strong woman.

































You know that I'll be here till May 15th but I thought I'd get the sentimental stuff out of the way. Haha. I don't think I can handle a surge of emotions next week. I'm looking forward to our lunch date tomorrow. Thanks for the kindness and the love little sister. I will miss you.

All the best,
Toni

My Gift for Gel on His 25th!

Hope this finally gets posted as I've been having so much trouble uploading it :)

This was my gift to JB on his 25th bday. Mejo nagkaroon ng glitches because he wasn't able to see it on the day itself because for some reason we couldn't find it and play it from their dvd player.

Actually, I should say that this is a labor of love. I thought it would only take me a couple of hours to put this video together. It ended up being a whole day... well maybe a whole half of a day, meaning from after lunch til midnight.

I learned (again) however, the importance of having someone check your work before 'submitting' it! Because when i was showing it to my sister she noticed something wrong in one of the texts I incuded. And the mistake I made was on OUR ANNIVERSARY DATE!!! nyah! Buti nalang alam niya date ng anniv namin ni JB. Coz what was written was a glaringly big date that's a DAY AHEAD! hahaha.... I have an excuse for that. I was reminiscing how I 'answered' JB in the wee morning of July 28th over the phone -- yup, just over the phone and, okay, so i blurted out my 'i love u' without being asked anymore.heheh. just had to say it he needn't ask no more.hehe). So there written on one of the slides is the date 27 July 2006... what a mistake that is right? hahaha...

So I had to redo that slide, in the process of which i saw more typos and fixed those slides too. And burn it again in the CD. Good thing the one i got was a rewritable one. So i just had to delete the old video and burn it again in the CD which also included a lot song tracks which i knew he wanted to have so he'll have something to listen to at the office.

Those revisions I did on the day I'll be meeting him (on his bday), coz i only finished it the first time just the night before. Actually, as i remember it now, it was already wrapped when my sister discovered the typo when I was showing her the copy of the video... Haha, so i not only had to revise and reburn, I also re-wrapped... heheh

But it was all worth it. Though it was delayed and all... the moment he was able to see the video in the midst of the songs, like a gem in the middle of a field, he texted me with a gazzillion smileys and told me how he loved what i made for him and was at that moment, teary-eyed... it was all worth it... for my Gel...

Now i hope this video posts well...

The Evolution of Text Language

My goodness how filipinos are such linguists!Young people have been able to make another language all on their own, yet again. (well, they seem to have done so since SMS has become the norm.) But now, it's not just about coming up with just one or two colloquial terms.... it's an entirely new language!

See if you can read what's written below. Saw this posted in the site of another clueless individual. Try decoding it and I think you'll find some foul language also inserted within the text.

This is not just your good ol' horse or 'tigidy' language (if any of you is aware of that), but this seems to be pretty mainstream text language to a chunk of our young ones as mobile/online text language.

Decoding it, one finds the filipino youth's penchant for creativity, personalization and breaking norms for the sake of the first two ideals, even in the simple act of writing text.

Maybe a screaming copy written this way will get the attention of the young jologs market (which is big i believe), or maybe an english version of such language could also be of use to get their attention yet won't be too damaging to brand image.

Or maybe there's still more to this that we should try to understand... but then again, maybe there's none.

Just a thought. =)

A comment:

DUPF !! DLAPF LANG ZSA FS MUH !!ADD MUH NMEN AQKU !!QKUNG KK LNG ZSAYU !!************@yahoo.com !!TNX IN ADVANCE !!PHOTO COMMENT NADIN !! =PS L O P E ' W U NN U AZ S I N G L E

The About Me:

,._/~juLiE'aNn izx MA'H NEYM",

._/~aLzo knOwn aZ thuG'LAtinA,

._/~bOuncE'OnE iZh juZt oNe oF mHa fLakaZ,

._/~PANG BALANDRA NG TROPA,._/~mAvaEt zah maVaeT,

._/~pRo fuKinG iiNang haTtaZ tAng iiNA NYO,

._/~tiKaz dAw nG mGa boiLetZ cU',._/~ di nMan aCu baZta baZta LnG,

._/~uNg tiPonG mAy bHaby bOi LnG kaHit mUkhAng hOmeboi,

._/~iniZ atOh mGa taunG insEcure,

._/~uNg tiPong nag-aAngaZ sEo,

._/~piLit tumAtapak fAra makAangAt zAkin,

._/~aZaNESz KEO..kinG-inAng NyAn,

._/~kLa mUh naMan mApaPataOb mUh cU,

._/~mAz siKat fA cu' inAkaLa mUh,

._/~dEym fuCk oL mAh haTtaz,

._/~RUMEsZPETO KnA LANG SA MAS NAKAKaTaAs SEo,

._/~nDi mOw ckOw kyAnG fAbvAgzAkiEn!!,

._/~dEym!!

The Shoutout:"` .::. thug'latiina .::. ` GiMME'BREAK .. SASABiiT KDAW XAH FLACKA NAMiiN NENE , ? WACC KANG MAG.BALACC GAGEW ;))=)) .. KAKUTUS.KUTUS KLNG DEFUTAH ;))=)) ..POK.POK PAKAN.TOT YAN TWAG SEYO!! POSERA ULOL!!KAREZPEREZPETO KA , ? XAN BANDA , ?"

Help me read dis:

HmMm MbUtiiE aMaN nAqCk CkAw SzThA nHaMbUtii AmAn CkMiiE sGe..DiiE cKoUh PpAyAaN dHiiEnIIo AiGhT..sEe YhA mHuWaH...wHappakk!!!NgEcKxZwAb YhOu NaQcK cKoUh AiiGhT...mHuWaH...CkLaPmHe EsSe BhAcK aiiGhT nAqCk CkOuH bOuNcE oUtMhiiE hEa..[[CkUiiEnCiiE'gHeTtHo'ChiiQC iSz MiSz SZCaNnEr IsZ 1SZt]] AiGhT mHuWaH...

Sa chat uso yung mga anak nanay tatay.. tulad nito. nainlab sa anak KUNO:

22o amn naqk ee im falling foe you poe tlga pRamiSzE .. 22o uNg sZnAsBi kOe szEu ..

Best Line ever:

--+PFEDE PFOE VBANG MAQCK PFAH ADOPFT ..?

--+ENKSZ PFOE ..

--+VBOUNCE VBACK NUA LAHN PFOE CKAU SZAH PFAGE Q ..

--+PKI ADD NUA LAHN PFOE AQ CKXE NDIIE PFOE QTAH MAADD EH ..

--+GUE TILL IRR NUA LAHN ..

--+TEECEE OLWEISZ ..

The Boyfriend's testimonial of his love to his girlfriend:

"-tHuG_ziGn-"

ft

"-tHuG_ziGn-"

*Ei sTilL awake sa latina k0o*

*pAdAan lng p0o sa fAgE ng latina k0o*

*dhil mhAl k0o sya WeH bkit fAlak kAu*

*ahm latina k0o wish k0o lng p0o*

*2ng pasko sana kaw na ung prinsezsa na*

*hinahanap k0o un lng hiling k0o**at tc ka fawage latina k0o kaz*

*ak0o nagw02ry pag may pr0b ka weh*

*kya tibayin lng natin dlwa ok*

*l0by0u latina k0o:*:

*-""-ingatz ka fawage wak pabayaan xelF*

"-tHuG_ziGn-"

ft

"-tHuG_latina-"

GHETTO RULZ BEBE! LOL!

From: http://necrophillia.multiply.com/journal/item/336/What_lingo_is_this

New Pic Slides =)

Sometimes...

Sometimes, when I'm going through something,
I just think about you...
I think of you and yearn to be able to talk to you...
But most of the time,
I can't seem to get a hold of you
(hopefully, it's only temporary).

And i do wonder...
If you are indeed someone I can talk to...

I hope so..
Because I hope to spend the rest of my life with you ....

Officially Missing You

I thought I'm over it. The super strong feeling of missing someone. Once I thought that i could handle the scarce communication and moments of being together. It's a different thing altogether once you do get to see each other but don't really get to 'be' together.

So near yet so far. I realized I could handle those extended days we can't get to be together or can't really get to talk much, but only if those days are sufficiently filled in between with true quality time together.

This is just to say that I so miss his company. Meaning his company with his attention solely focused on ME!... that is so scarce now... I miss our simple, happy banter. Joking and kidding around. The mushy, cheezy and corny exchanges and well, just really spending time with each other.

I'm tired of sneaking a few minutes or a couple of hours at the end of the day to 'catch up' on stuff or to have a few moments together. I don't know if other people can get what I'm driving at.

I love it that we're there for each other for ordinary days. Or that we're there for each other even if we're not together. That we make plans for stuff. Or that we include other people in our plans. But I think we should have moments when it's not just about talking about everyday stuff or talking about plans, but really having time to spend to just enjoy each other's company.

A trip somewhere or find a nice and cozy hang out. So we can really talk. While we do grow and get to know each other better by being together and seeing each other move in our real life spaces. We can't discount the fact that we also still continue to get to know each other when we get to talk, chat and know what the other thinks about or how the other thinks about things.

Yun lang, I guess, that's just what I'm missing. Because it's been a long time since we've had real quality time where we can just have each other to ourselves. I just really miss that, and that's what I'm longing for now....

Konting tiis nalang...hehehe :)

From Frustration to Self-Psyco-Analysis

I don’t know why I can’t work easily. I don’t know why I don’t feel that I need to prove myself to anyone. I don’t know where to get my motivation. Why am I so moody?

I’m blessed to have things relatively easy for me. I acknowledge that an I am thankful for it. Though I have my share of struggles and pains, I still feel as if I am a weakling. Maybe not really a weakling, but that I still haven’t grown as I should.

I don’t know why I feel this way. Maybe it’s because the world I choose to live in is a small one. Though it’s natural to me to reach out and help people in need, it is not natural for me to just reach out for the sake of expanding my network, expanding my territory.

I guess that’s just how I’m wired. With the limitations and scarcity that I’ve encountered in my life, I have learned to accept the things that I have, to live with it and make the most out of them. It’s quite unfortunate, I think, however that such experiences hasn’t pushed me enough to expand what little I have; to make it grow, to multiply into abundance. That is something I expect to come at the opportune time.

I think I’ve shared this with a friend before. Literally, I am an impatient person. I get impatient while falling in line or while waiting for someone I have an appointment with once they’re a tad bit too late. However, in life, I think I’ve been patient enough to wait for the things that are to come my way. In terms of friendships, opportunities for jobs, exciting activities, opportunities for travel even love. I think I’ve been able to wait patiently for the things that were meant for me, for the things that I would like to experience. Of course, it’s not completely passive waiting that I did. I made sure that my activities and behavior were directed to one day achieving or experiencing things which I desired for my life. Fortunately, they have arrived. In spite of setbacks, I think I’ve been able to experience a lot of exciting things in life and those things seem to have come at the opportune time for me.

Now, why was I led to talk about that? I don’t know. I just started writing this, again, out of frustration with not knowing what to write for something that has something to do with work. Oh, I remember. That actually led me to think again if this is where I want to be; If this is what I want to do; If this is where I’ll be able to use my talents and treasures to its highest potential. Sometimes I love it, sometimes, I’m just not inspired. That’s just downright frustrating. Especially, if I’ve been enlightened to offer my work to the Lord, to offer my work as my prayer. It’s difficult as it is to set my prayer time because it’s hard to fit it into daily schedules, plus of course the distractions once I do get that time alone. Now it’s even more difficult to offer up my work when I know my work is also full of distractions or is lacking inspiration.

As I get to know myself a bit more, it seems I’m proving how my theory on my entry on my difficulty with creating abstract art is really a reflection of how I am. I cannot move pointlessly, directionless, or plan-less. I can’t walk to any direction if I can’t visualize any end goal or result to the direction I am taking. Same way, I can’t work given too much freedom to not have a concrete deliverable each time. It sounds really boring but I guess that’s how I am. This is also probably why I’m one who has no problem with following rules or guidelines. Unless of course, it already steps on the emotional realm. But then, that’s another story… My mind trail has stopped. I shall cut this entry short lest I trail too far off. I think that has been my mind burp. Can’t say my mind was full of stuff, maybe it was full of air, which is why I needed to burp. Hopefully after this, I’ll be able to write the missive that I’m supposed to be composing… Ciao!

Our First Year Together ;)

Happy Announcement!

Not from me though. I'm just so happy to hear wonderful news this morning from a dear friend that she and her boyfriend are getting married this year!!!! Super happy for them. Especially for my sister-friend. I know this is something she's been longing for. She deserves this happiness.

Praise God for the wonderful, wonderful news!!! Y

The Missing Piece Meets the Big O

Would like to share this beautiful story. Click on to the link to the short story written by Shel Silverstein.

This is for all those in search of the 'One'.... Cheerios!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCmZ2jrQooE

Finally!....

I just had to put that in as my title as I've finally been able to sign into my blogspot account. I was thrown off track in terms of the log in process because of the merging with google where instead of my old username, i had to use my google account to log in. My goodness, if my laptop could talk back to me it would've told me how totally S-L-O-W i've been...

Anyways, that isn't the reason for my post. So, if my first paragraph seems so hazy, it's okay. It was just a rant....

The real title of this entry should be 'Simple Answered Prayers'. I was just so happy when I came in this morning, because I was dreading this day the entire weekend.

I doesn't help that I've been beset with financial concerns (which I try not to bring me down, as of the moment I've done all I have and I have all I have to work with). I know I shouldn't worry because there's this saying which I've been encountering a lot lately which I should keep in mind -- Worrying is an insult to God. I know sometimes we can't help it. So maybe instead of worrying, what we should do is continue to hope. Come to think of it, hoping seems to be worrying with a positive disposition, or maybe not. Hope has Trust, worrying well, doesn't.

Anyways, straying from my real topic. I just want to share a little blessing which really lightened my mood, my disposition actually. Gods truly works in amazing mysterious ways.

As I said, aside from being down because of some big concerns, I had immediate concerns which preoccupied me this past weekend. It was a meeting for today which I felt I wasn't entirely prepared for. I felt that if the meeting pushed thorough, I don't know, it would just make me feel so farther down in terms of my professional confidence especially if i feel that I won't be participating well in that meeting.

I've been having internal, personal struggles in terms of my current profession lately, and I don't need another blow to my personal insecurity. Not that anybody's putting me down. Honestly, it's just me. Again, I'm sorry for being so vague, but it's also a different entry altogether if i start listing down the reasons for my worries.

Anyways, over the weekend, I had my Gel to keep me strong in the midst of the bigger problems I've been facing. What I kept praying about was what I'll be facing today (alone) when I come to work and attend that meeting (with clients). On the outside, it might not seem like a big deal, but as I said, inside of me, if anything goes wrong, it might break my spirit (workwise).

Anyways, you want to know what the answered prayer is? it's so simple and yet so amazing..... the meeting did not push through. That's it. So simple. Yet it took off a big load off my shoulders. I know it sounds weird, but I guess it's something only God & I would understand. Sorry though that it had be be cancelled because the moderator of the meeting (who happens to be a client) fell sick. There must be a different reason for him why he had to get sick today.

Anyways, it's just amazing how that little, simple answered prayer compelled me to write an entry again in this blogspot of mine. It compelled me so much to the point that I'm writing this evening, past 7pm when I've been trying to log in to my account since 9am this morning.

I could've just let go and not share this story and yet i perservered.

The reason why it's such a big thing is because, this small answered prayer, not only made me feel better or relieved because of having 'escaped' that meeting, but because it actually propped my hope up some more in terms of the bigger problems that I am facing.

Last saturday night, Gel & I were in our garden. And out of the blue he just started reassuring me that everything's going to be okay and that I just have to continue hoping and believing. I was quite surprised with him saying that out of the blue. Silly me, I don't know why, but I thought he was just trying to make me smile. But he was serious. I said, of course I'm not losing hope.

But later on did i realize that I am quite nearly at my wits end. I wonder how my mom does it or how other people do it, or even how I've done it so far and for how long I can still hold on. I realized it I have been starting to get weaker, or I might be on the verge of starting to get weaker.

Anyways, as I said, this little answered prayer boosted my hope and faith again. Somehow, like a little vitamin. That God will indeed take care of me always. He will not forsake or leave me. So in whatever problem I may be facing, He knows what to do. He will take care of me & my family. And there will really be no need to worry.

The Climb of My Life... so far :p

Had an experience of a lifetime during the last Independence Day holiday, June 11. For me it might very well be a once in a lifetime experience because I'm not sure if it's something i'd be doing again ever... or in the near future at least.

I tried wall climbing once, which was at the UP fair. That time, it was an exhilarating experience to reach the top on my second try. More so, this time, having been able to reach the top on my first try – not without any slipping and swinging action though.

Yup, I slipped and swung, a bit like a pendulum. Fortunately I was able to gather my wits not to let my head swing about while I swung back & forth the side of that mountain. I just kept my head still and let my poor bare arms just hit the wall.

Later did I realize that I still wasn’t halfway through the climb when that happened. At that point, I got a bit rattled and though that it must be time for me to rappel down. Yet my friends kept cheering me on. They were yelling at me to just relax and take my time. Ironically, it’s in these situations when one can or have to yell to get someone to relax. I was wondering how bad my ‘fall’ was. When I looked down the first expression I sought was that of my JB. Surprisingly, instead of a worried expression, what I saw on him was a reassuring look. He too coached me to relax and take my time. I was comforted even with him and all the others so far down.

I’d say the climb, for me was such a test of will power! I knew I’m not extremely fit, meaning I tend to tire easily now. I also wasn’t as confident about how strong my legs were to support me throughout the climb. I knew climbing isn’t all about power. You should also use your head to know which path to take to the top. Honestly, there was a point where I even doubted if I was even smart enough to reach the top, because the surface was quite difficult to scale with some parts seeming practically crevice-less or ‘ridge-less’. It did cross my mind to think about what could be more embarrassing, to not be able to reach the top because I’m not powerful enough or I’m not ‘smart’ enough to know which areas to cling to. Especially after having seen everybody else who has gone before me reach the top – most of whom have the same rock climbing experience as I (meaning co-first timersJ).

Aside from some smarts and actual power, this was also a moment when I was really able to use will power to overcome the obstacle before me. In spite of fears of not being strong enough or smart enough, I was determined to reach the top. There’s a fear of slipping which could happen by accident (as what happened) or when you give in to your ‘weakness’. But I felt that I just had to do it one stride at a time. I had to manage my fear and power (what’s left of it) to get to the top. It came to the point that I would count to three to psych myself each time I try to grab on to the next rock or crevice and push myself up to stand to go higher. In the midst of the cheers, which reassured me, I too had to cheer myself on.
As much as I’m open to adventures of this kind, I realize I do have a fear of heights, more of a fear of inclined areas, maybe. I think it’s due to an overactive imagination. There were parts of the activities where I practically froze because of fear. On was before climbing up a steep rocky slope (which was not an activity btw, but just a pathway to our base camp!) or letting go of the bridge railing so that I can slide down a rope (sorry, I don’t know what that’s called J).

The slope was steep and narrow, with vines and loose rocks. I was able to get down the slope nervously but carefully. But when I had to climb back up the slope, I think I spent a good 3 to 5 mins just staring at the rocks. I was imagining how if I stepped on unstable loose rocks I could easily slide down and who knows what could happen with all those rocks around. Eventually I was able to climb the slope. JB just showed me which areas I could latch on to get up the slope then followed close behind me.

One highlight for me, though, was when it rained! For some it wasn’t so wonderful that it rained because it means they weren’t able to have their turn to climb anymore. It would be too dangerous to climb by then. But what was so wonderful about the rain was to be soaked in it amidst such nature.

I loved the climb experience! It was a scary yet wonderful nature experience. I really felt like I ‘bonded’ with those rocks for a moment. Scaling the face of that mountain groping for crevices and ledges to rely on was like feeling the face of a person with your eyes closed. Imagine, climbing the face of a mountain with the soft breeze enveloping you as the gush of the river resonates in the background, not to mention the beauty of the nature all around.

** As I was writing about my climb experience earlier on, I can’t help but notice how my rock climbing experience could have similarities with climbing the corporate ladder, or pursuing a career, then again, it may be likened to life in general.

It’s a huge obstacle we’re faced with each day. We have our fears, we have our weaknesses, we have those times when we slip and fall. But our goal is to reach the top. Whatever happens, we have the choice to continue or to move on to the top. But there are people around us who cheer us on, who reassures us when we fall, people who may not be right beside us to feed us with what to do, but they’re there nonetheless to coach us, support us & inspire us. But a lot of the work also has to come from us. When we are faced with our own weaknesses, with our own fears, we will need our determination to keep going forward to keep going on. Things around us may weaken us, but it’s what inside us that will make us stronger. You know yourself. You will know how to pace yourself. You will know how to manage your strengths and weaknesses. You will know when to make the right timing.

But there’s something I wasn’t able to say earlier on about what else helped me reach the top. I had a harness on with a rope for belaying me. I realized, for me at least, that the rope wasn’t just there as a safety measure for in case I slip or fall (which I got to experience first hand), but more importantly, it also served as a source of strength for each time that I try to pull myself up. While I was psyching myself each time that I still have enough power to pull myself up, I figured how the rope, with the weight of the ‘belayer’ below, was also reassuring me that as I pull my self up, it will help me get up and maintain stability. Like an force that works with me or that I work with that helps each step of the way. Each time, I had to trust that that the one pulling the rope will help me take each step of the climb or else I’ll just freeze and give up.

I must say, that that force, I liken to God, whom I need to put all my trust in for each step that I make. I rely on Him not only when I slip, weakening or in need, but generally for every step that I make in life. I have people around me, who support, comfort and love me. I have my own will and determination to push myself to accomplish a task, but it won’t be enough to reach my goal. I also need God’s guidance and grace for the strength to move on. My own strength will never be enough.

It’s just so amazing how God shows Himself and makes Himself felt in any situation. I guess in a way, that climb was all about feeling God’s presence in my life, in life in general, through a very special situation.