HARDER FOR WHOM?

Strange. Here I've been (and some others too) thinking about how it would be for our best to start letting go. More for his best because now, he's the one loving more. Or actually, he's the only one loving the same way of before. 

So I tell him, "You should start letting go of me now. Because I don't know if and when I'll be coming around to bring back the love. I really have no idea". 

Do I miss him? yes. 
Do I miss us? Yes. 
So what's the problem? I don't miss him enough to have to want to spend the rest of my life with him. Like before. Or at least, I still don't know if that's what I want. 

So  I can't do anything about it. 

He's not the only one coping. And I feel the adjustments will linger longer for me than for him. Now he just has to start coping with the loss of my love. 

As for me, from coping with how to not be guilty about my inability to return the love. As he starts to cope and let go of me, while I may think that I've already let go, the actual feeling and knowledge that he has let go of me, may very well be another emotional hurdle for me. 

I don't know, however, if the pain, sadness or loss that I will feel when that happens will only be a result of vanity or sentimentality. But I think, while I do not feel the loneliness now, the kind of loneliness he feels. I might feel it once I see and feel that he's totally moved on from me. Because, while my feelings have changed for him, I don't have someone to catch me from all this. None at this moment. 

It may seem harder for him to deal with things now, but I have a nagging feeling it might be harder for me in the longer run... unless I can catch myself or someone's there to catch me. 

My prayer now is this. If the time comes that my feelings don't return, that we indeed definitely go our separate ways, live our separate lives and  he's moved on from me, it won't be too hard for me and someone will be there to catch me if i can't catch myself...

UNWAVERING HOPE

Unwavering obedience for God's plan in our life, 

no matter how hard, painful and uncomfortable at first. 

If we focus our eyes to the One Who called us. 

He will surely lead us through and through.

 

-Proverbs 4:25

07 07 10

Today’s Psalm.

PSALM 121:1-8

I lift my eyes up to the hills—Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, The Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— He who watches over you will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore.

Things seem to have gone full circle. When I was down right after I learned of the disappointing news on what I was about to experience, I asked for the Lord for His message of comfort and guidance. I opened the Bible to a random page and pointed to a random verse and saw these verses of the Psalm.

These lines indeed gave me comfort and affirmation that things will be okay. And I also have my family and my wonderful friends who were there for me and showed me their utmost concern and love for me. I thank the Lord or these angels whom He's sent me.

Today, this is the responsorial Psalm for today’s readings. Today, when just last Friday, I’ve been already offered a position at another company. The Lord is providing for me and taking care of me. He indeed takes care of all of us.

May God be praised!

image taken from this site: http://klaudiamarrgallery.com/Invitational_Exhibits/2009_-_Evenly_Scattered/more2.html