Tuesday, November 15, 2011


Strange. Here I've been (and some others too) thinking about how it would be for our best to start letting go. More for his best because now, he's the one loving more. Or actually, he's the only one loving the same way of before. 

So I tell him, "You should start letting go of me now. Because I don't know if and when I'll be coming around to bring back the love. I really have no idea". 

Do I miss him? yes. 
Do I miss us? Yes. 
So what's the problem? I don't miss him enough to have to want to spend the rest of my life with him. Like before. Or at least, I still don't know if that's what I want. 

So  I can't do anything about it. 

He's not the only one coping. And I feel the adjustments will linger longer for me than for him. Now he just has to start coping with the loss of my love. 

As for me, from coping with how to not be guilty about my inability to return the love. As he starts to cope and let go of me, while I may think that I've already let go, the actual feeling and knowledge that he has let go of me, may very well be another emotional hurdle for me. 

I don't know, however, if the pain, sadness or loss that I will feel when that happens will only be a result of vanity or sentimentality. But I think, while I do not feel the loneliness now, the kind of loneliness he feels. I might feel it once I see and feel that he's totally moved on from me. Because, while my feelings have changed for him, I don't have someone to catch me from all this. None at this moment. 

It may seem harder for him to deal with things now, but I have a nagging feeling it might be harder for me in the longer run... unless I can catch myself or someone's there to catch me. 

My prayer now is this. If the time comes that my feelings don't return, that we indeed definitely go our separate ways, live our separate lives and  he's moved on from me, it won't be too hard for me and someone will be there to catch me if i can't catch myself...


summermoon said...

heart is sad =(

summer said...

thanks be to God, things didn't happen this way... did not get as difficult as expected...

summer said...

i apparently didn't need catching, somehow... because I've totally moved on. Sadly or fortunately, for some reason, I haven't felt the pain because of losing him. Somehow, I feel, I did not really lose anything... maybe because it was just meant to be..somehow....i do wish him all the best...