SweetSummerMoonGirl

HARDER FOR WHO?

2011-11-15T02:12:00.000-08:00

Strange. Here I've been (and some others too) thinking about how it would be for our best to start letting go. More for his best because now, he's the one loving more. Or actually, he's the only one loving the same way of before.

So I tell him, "You should start letting go of me now. Because I don't know if and when I'll be coming around to bring back the love. I really have no idea".

Do I miss him? yes.
Do I miss us? Yes.
So what's the problem? I don't miss him enough to have to want to spend the rest of my life with him. Like before. Or at least, I still don't know if that's what I want.

So I can't do anything about it.

He's not the only one coping. And I feel the adjustments will linger longer for me than for him. Now he just has to start coping with the loss of my love.

As for me, from coping with how to not be guilty about my inability to return the love. As he starts to cope and let go of me, while I may think that I've already let go, the actual feeling and knowledge that he has let go of me, may very well be another emotional hurdle for me.

I don't know, however, if the pain, sadness or loss that I will feel when that happens will only be a result of vanity or sentimentality. But I think, while I do not feel the loneliness now, the kind of loneliness he feels. I might feel it once I see and feel that he's totally moved on from me. Because, while my feelings have changed for him, I don't have someone to catch me from all this. None at this moment.

It may seem harder for him to deal with things now, but I have a nagging feeling it might be harder for me in the longer run... unless I can catch myself or someone's there to catch me.

My prayer now is this. If the time comes that my feelings don't return, that we indeed definitely go our separate ways, live our separate lives and he's moved on from me, it won't be too hard for me and someone will be there to catch me if i can't catch myself...

UNWAVERING HOPE

2011-11-08T22:43:00.000-08:00

Unwavering obedience for God's plan in our life,

no matter how hard, painful and uncomfortable at first.

If we focus our eyes to the One Who called us.

He will surely lead us through and through.

-Proverbs 4:25

LIMBO

2011-10-31T23:18:00.000-07:00

"I know that I will live to see the Lord's goodness in the present life. Trust in the Lord. Have Faith. Do not despair. Trust in the Lord"
- Psalm 24: 13-14

This verse is probably the perfect answer to my title, which is where I feel i am now, in limbo, emotional limbo, if there is such a thing.

Neither here nor there. But I know deep inside I know where I am, but I just can't bring my self to 'cross-over' to the other side. To venture back into the unknown. The hesitation, though is not because of the fear or uncertainty with the unknown that's in store for me, but because of the difficulty to let go of what I'll be leaving behind knowing the pain that it will cause.

I am currently confused. About why this had to happen and about what to do. I don't know if at this point I just choose to be confused because knowing the real answer /explanation to this situation is just such a bitter pill to swallow.

I now constantly pray for clarity and strength. That by the time I reach the clarity that I need, that I'd immediately have the strength and courage to act on it, no matter how painful & uncertain the outcome. Because all I need to do is put my full trust in Him. Do I fully trust Him? I know I do, for myself I do. But for the one who will feel the most pain, I need to trust Him to, that He will give comfort when I can't. That He will give us both peace.

I ask that I don't know why this is happening, but maybe at the very back of my mind, a very small part of me knows why, or has known why. It's just a matter of accepting it and moving on. I know though, I can can never leave, that I can never forget. Because it will always be special to me. I will always care. I will always love, maybe not in the same way, but I will.

I pray for peace. I pray for clarity. I pray for strength. I pray for courage. I pray for emotional stability. I pray for all to work out for God's purpose and greater glory.

07 07 10

2010-06-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

Today’s Psalm.

PSALM 121:1-8

I lift my eyes up to the hills—Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, The Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— He who watches over you will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going, both now and forevermore.

Things seem to have gone full circle. When I was down right after I learned of the disappointing news on what I was about to experience, I asked for the Lord for His message of comfort and guidance. I opened the Bible to a random page and pointed to a random verse and saw these verses of the Psalm.

These lines indeed gave me comfort and affirmation that things will be okay. And I also have my family and my wonderful friends who were there for me and showed me their utmost concern and love for me. I thank the Lord or these angels whom He's sent me.

Today, this is the responsorial Psalm for today’s readings. Today, when just last Friday, I’ve been already offered a position at another company. The Lord is providing for me and taking care of me. He indeed takes care of all of us.

May God be praised!

image taken from this site: http://klaudiamarrgallery.com/Invitational_Exhibits/2009_-_Evenly_Scattered/more2.html

Is It Really Time To Go?

2009-06-29T01:24:00.000-07:00

How come no matter how much I try to be enthused with what I'm doing. There's a nagging voice inside of me that keeps contradicting the value and worth of what I do?

Why is there such an internal struggle? ~

No Need To Rush

2009-05-28T03:50:00.000-07:00

Had a nice, interesting talk with Ms. Gigi today. Though I'm hoping for a world of possibilities opening up for me stemming for out talk over lunch, that thought will be for another post - which I hope I'll have the change of writing about somehow.

This post is more on something she said, which struck me just a while ago. 'Don't get pressured' she said. What was she referring to? Marriage.

It gave me an idea, a thought. Something to think about and discuss with JB. She was talking about how the age of 30 opens up so many new things for a person. Specially one with a pretty active & social adult life. Though I think I've got a pretty average social life.

Anyways, talk of our plans for marriage late next year came up. And what she tells me is not to be pressured, there's no need to rush. That I'm still young, only 30. Imagine that. Come to think of it. Hers isn't the usual reaction I'd usually get when I share about wedding plans looming in the air. Others would usually say something like 'Good for you' or 'It's about time'.

Though I do want to get married, I've actually been feeling that it's not something I exactly want to rush or can't wait to jump into. I'm actually feeling not feeling the pressure or urgency of having to have to get married by end of next year. Though I'm a bit concerned, I'm not panicking that we still don't have savings in preparation for the wedding & married life.

I think deep inside. I'm not in a rush.

Why are women usually in such a rush to get married? It's to be able to have babies. To be honest, with all the things I've seen other women go through with regard to pregnancies, I think I've tried not to be too anxious about wanting to have a child of my own. I'm quite open to the possibility that we might not have any kids, since I've reached the age of 30 and still haven't borne a child. They say it's harder to get pregnant if you haven't given birth at least once before you're 30.

I realized that there's still so much I could do or maybe with the possibility of marriage in the near future, the thought of the new responsibilities that goes along with marriage, being a wife - or eventually a mother - makes me a bit nervous. Maybe the first step of being a wife is something I can handle, but being a mother is a totally different thing.

I've never wanted to be a doctor because I never wanted to be in the position where someone's life is somehow, in my hands. Now thinking about motherhood, well, isn't that the same thing? The life of your child's hands is in your hands.

I'm not saying I don't want to be a mother. I'm sure when the time comes, I'd know what to do. That's nature's way of taking care of things & that's how the Lord designed us anyways.

But I guess, at this point, the thing is, I don't need to rush. As I said, we still don't have enough savings anyways. And JB's still quite young and there's still a lot of things he wants and could do. We can still enjoy single life and life with our families together.

So, what am I saying? Am I saying it's okay to delay the the marriage a bit more? ..... Not really, it's more of just maintaing the state of mind that there's no need to rush. No need to feel pressured. Things will fall into place anyway eventually.

The thing is I've found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to plan on how we'll be doing just that.

Goodness, I think I just experienced some kind of hypnotic lapse. For a splitsecond, before writing this piece, I think I actually entertained, being okay with waiting for 4 more years before getting married. So that we can still experience other things and save more. Now that I think about it, not that I'm in a rush really, but I think it would still be good if we are able to save up & have enough money to push through with our wedding end of next year ;)

What was i thinking?....

Passion of Mine

2009-02-02T21:46:00.000-08:00

When will I finish this if not now? Why can’t I think straight? Why can’t I think clearly? No, it’s not that I can’t think straight or clearly, but more of not being able to think about work; about getting down to work.

Is it because I don’t like repeating something I’ve already done? Or I don’t like working on something I’m not sure of. It may be the case. There’s nothing more frustrating than working so hard on something, only knowing in the end – or near the end- that you’ve been moving in the wrong direction all this time.

I think that’s what’s been holding me back – most of the time. I’m not too confident about my decisions and choices. Not confident enough to move forward with things and really make the difference that I have to make – even those that I HAVE to make!!! Imagine that.

Sometimes, I really just wonder how I’ve come this far. To that I only give praise & thanks to the Lord for I am truly blessed. I am a testament of His goodness working in my life. Regardless of my capabilities – or incapability for that matter.

Or maybe it’s because I’m just really weak. Weak to fight or face the challenges ahead of me. But then, didn’t I look forward to these challenges? To these changes? Don’t I always advocate how life would be such a joy & an adventure to have unexpected surprises along the way that one could look forward to. Surprises that include the challenges, the challenges that are supposed to strengthen you and change you into the person you should become. Into the person you want to become. Tough you might not even know it yet.

I hope this ranting will bring out something of use for me. I hope this will get me started. I need something more than focus & concentration to be able to do what I need to do. I need a motivation, an inspiration…. the passion. Where art thou passion of mine?

The Beckonig of Lovely

2009-01-22T22:01:00.000-08:00

Hold On

2009-01-21T00:28:00.001-08:00

This is a nice, inspiring quote which I stumbled upon which I want (and maybe even need) to go back to every now and then.

Hold on to what is good, even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe, even if it is a tree which stands alone.
Hold on to what you must do, even if it is a long way from here.

–Pueblo Verse

The Smiley

2009-01-21T00:17:00.001-08:00

This is somewhat connected to the post on text language some posts back. I just realized, as I was responding to an office email a while ago, what effect texting has on my other means of correspondence.

I noticed, how even as I write emails, it has been a habit to include smileys - variations of it even [ :) or =) ] - as I type. And I realize how I seem to have been using smileys to the point of making it into a punctuation mark of sorts. Not only that, but I actually cringe at the thought at having to erase some of them - or Egad! all of them! - because it takes out the smiley emotion I put in writing the missive.

Interesting how such habits just creep in to other facets of your life... or maybe it's just me.

Careers

2009-01-19T22:50:00.000-08:00

Some are just jobs, others are actually a lifestyle. Mine seems to have to be a lifestyle.
Sadly, I realize, I’m not sure if it is the lifestyle that fits me. I just have a little dilemma in finding that it seems I’ve been led to this kind of lifestyle which I thought I wanted but now am not sure if is something I’m meant for…. Now isn’t that strange? or disturbing?.... :o

Toni's Postsecret

2008-05-27T05:01:00.000-07:00

This is from my former officemate who recently transferred to a different company. It's a good move for her & I'm happy for her.

What I'm happier about is this message she gave me just before she left. It's called a postsecret only because this officemate of mine, Toni, is the one who would supply almost the entire office with weekly updates on postsecret.blogspot.com.

It's a message I cherish, which is why I'm reposting this on my site -- and I so love the pics she used... here it is:

Dear Mitzi,

Well, it's not exactly a secret. This is more a "thank-you and see you around" note. Because I'm more comfortable writing things than I am saying them, this is a note for you, of things I want to share with you but never have. So I guess it's our little secret in a way.

I'm very proud of how you've grown as a planner. I enjoy hearing you take charge of Nokia and Kraft. When the BAT and Accounts people come up to your desk and ask you questions, seek clarification, and you give them the answers, I smile. It feels like you're watching your little sister grow up. Something like that. I'm proud of you. Keep growing.

I also admire that when you seek clarification yourself, you don't hesitate to ask. That's one of the most important ways to grow -- to acknowledge that we don't know everything, and then learn from those who may know, and are willing to help.

I admire how spiritual you are. I have my own kind of relationship with God, and when I see you or hear your stories, I am reminded of how to become even closer to Him. Thank you for being that quiet mentor. You teach by example, perhaps without your knowing. Thank you for the spiritual and heartwarming e-mails that help remind me of putting some focus back on my faith.

I wish I had your height. Hahaha!

Thank you for putting up with my mood swings.

When you make kwento about yourself and JB, natutuwa ako. I'm reminded of fresh, new love. I'm thankful for that because I still see that kind of love in my relationship with Dennis. So keep that fresh love going. Keep on surprising each other. :)

You have potential Mitzi. I wish you would be given the opportunity to attend seminars and trainings, because I know that with those tools and experiences, you will grow even more. You've got sass that comes out once in awhile, that I know should come out even more. Continue to be strong. You're super bait and I hope that kindness is not abused by any co-worker. Stand your ground, always. You're a strong woman.

You know that I'll be here till May 15th but I thought I'd get the sentimental stuff out of the way. Haha. I don't think I can handle a surge of emotions next week. I'm looking forward to our lunch date tomorrow. Thanks for the kindness and the love little sister. I will miss you.

All the best,
Toni

My Gift for Gel on His 25th!

2008-04-15T03:33:00.000-07:00

Hope this finally gets posted as I've been having so much trouble uploading it :)

This was my gift to JB on his 25th bday. Mejo nagkaroon ng glitches because he wasn't able to see it on the day itself because for some reason we couldn't find it and play it from their dvd player.

Actually, I should say that this is a labor of love. I thought it would only take me a couple of hours to put this video together. It ended up being a whole day... well maybe a whole half of a day, meaning from after lunch til midnight.

I learned (again) however, the importance of having someone check your work before 'submitting' it! Because when i was showing it to my sister she noticed something wrong in one of the texts I incuded. And the mistake I made was on OUR ANNIVERSARY DATE!!! nyah! Buti nalang alam niya date ng anniv namin ni JB. Coz what was written was a glaringly big date that's a DAY AHEAD! hahaha.... I have an excuse for that. I was reminiscing how I 'answered' JB in the wee morning of July 28th over the phone -- yup, just over the phone and, okay, so i blurted out my 'i love u' without being asked anymore.heheh. just had to say it he needn't ask no more.hehe). So there written on one of the slides is the date 27 July 2006... what a mistake that is right? hahaha...

So I had to redo that slide, in the process of which i saw more typos and fixed those slides too. And burn it again in the CD. Good thing the one i got was a rewritable one. So i just had to delete the old video and burn it again in the CD which also included a lot song tracks which i knew he wanted to have so he'll have something to listen to at the office.

Those revisions I did on the day I'll be meeting him (on his bday), coz i only finished it the first time just the night before. Actually, as i remember it now, it was already wrapped when my sister discovered the typo when I was showing her the copy of the video... Haha, so i not only had to revise and reburn, I also re-wrapped... heheh

But it was all worth it. Though it was delayed and all... the moment he was able to see the video in the midst of the songs, like a gem in the middle of a field, he texted me with a gazzillion smileys and told me how he loved what i made for him and was at that moment, teary-eyed... it was all worth it... for my Gel...

Now i hope this video posts well...

The Evolution of Text Language

2008-03-13T02:13:00.000-07:00

My goodness how filipinos are such linguists!Young people have been able to make another language all on their own, yet again. (well, they seem to have done so since SMS has become the norm.) But now, it's not just about coming up with just one or two colloquial terms.... it's an entirely new language!

See if you can read what's written below. Saw this posted in the site of another clueless individual. Try decoding it and I think you'll find some foul language also inserted within the text.

This is not just your good ol' horse or 'tigidy' language (if any of you is aware of that), but this seems to be pretty mainstream text language to a chunk of our young ones as mobile/online text language.

Decoding it, one finds the filipino youth's penchant for creativity, personalization and breaking norms for the sake of the first two ideals, even in the simple act of writing text.

Maybe a screaming copy written this way will get the attention of the young jologs market (which is big i believe), or maybe an english version of such language could also be of use to get their attention yet won't be too damaging to brand image.

Or maybe there's still more to this that we should try to understand... but then again, maybe there's none.

Just a thought. =)

A comment:

DUPF !! DLAPF LANG ZSA FS MUH !!ADD MUH NMEN AQKU !!QKUNG KK LNG ZSAYU !!************@yahoo.com !!TNX IN ADVANCE !!PHOTO COMMENT NADIN !! =PS L O P E ' W U NN U AZ S I N G L E

The About Me:

,._/~juLiE'aNn izx MA'H NEYM",

._/~aLzo knOwn aZ thuG'LAtinA,

._/~bOuncE'OnE iZh juZt oNe oF mHa fLakaZ,

._/~PANG BALANDRA NG TROPA,._/~mAvaEt zah maVaeT,

._/~pRo fuKinG iiNang haTtaZ tAng iiNA NYO,

._/~tiKaz dAw nG mGa boiLetZ cU',._/~ di nMan aCu baZta baZta LnG,

._/~uNg tiPonG mAy bHaby bOi LnG kaHit mUkhAng hOmeboi,

._/~iniZ atOh mGa taunG insEcure,

._/~uNg tiPong nag-aAngaZ sEo,

._/~piLit tumAtapak fAra makAangAt zAkin,

._/~aZaNESz KEO..kinG-inAng NyAn,

._/~kLa mUh naMan mApaPataOb mUh cU,

._/~mAz siKat fA cu' inAkaLa mUh,

._/~dEym fuCk oL mAh haTtaz,

._/~RUMEsZPETO KnA LANG SA MAS NAKAKaTaAs SEo,

._/~nDi mOw ckOw kyAnG fAbvAgzAkiEn!!,

._/~dEym!!

The Shoutout:"` .::. thug'latiina .::. ` GiMME'BREAK .. SASABiiT KDAW XAH FLACKA NAMiiN NENE , ? WACC KANG MAG.BALACC GAGEW ;))=)) .. KAKUTUS.KUTUS KLNG DEFUTAH ;))=)) ..POK.POK PAKAN.TOT YAN TWAG SEYO!! POSERA ULOL!!KAREZPEREZPETO KA , ? XAN BANDA , ?"

Help me read dis:

HmMm MbUtiiE aMaN nAqCk CkAw SzThA nHaMbUtii AmAn CkMiiE sGe..DiiE cKoUh PpAyAaN dHiiEnIIo AiGhT..sEe YhA mHuWaH...wHappakk!!!NgEcKxZwAb YhOu NaQcK cKoUh AiiGhT...mHuWaH...CkLaPmHe EsSe BhAcK aiiGhT nAqCk CkOuH bOuNcE oUtMhiiE hEa..[[CkUiiEnCiiE'gHeTtHo'ChiiQC iSz MiSz SZCaNnEr IsZ 1SZt]] AiGhT mHuWaH...

Sa chat uso yung mga anak nanay tatay.. tulad nito. nainlab sa anak KUNO:

22o amn naqk ee im falling foe you poe tlga pRamiSzE .. 22o uNg sZnAsBi kOe szEu ..

Best Line ever:

--+PFEDE PFOE VBANG MAQCK PFAH ADOPFT ..?

--+ENKSZ PFOE ..

--+VBOUNCE VBACK NUA LAHN PFOE CKAU SZAH PFAGE Q ..

--+PKI ADD NUA LAHN PFOE AQ CKXE NDIIE PFOE QTAH MAADD EH ..

--+GUE TILL IRR NUA LAHN ..

--+TEECEE OLWEISZ ..

The Boyfriend's testimonial of his love to his girlfriend:

"-tHuG_ziGn-"

*Ei sTilL awake sa latina k0o*

*pAdAan lng p0o sa fAgE ng latina k0o*

*dhil mhAl k0o sya WeH bkit fAlak kAu*

*ahm latina k0o wish k0o lng p0o*

*2ng pasko sana kaw na ung prinsezsa na*

*hinahanap k0o un lng hiling k0o**at tc ka fawage latina k0o kaz*

*ak0o nagw02ry pag may pr0b ka weh*

*kya tibayin lng natin dlwa ok*

*l0by0u latina k0o:*:

*-""-ingatz ka fawage wak pabayaan xelF*

"-tHuG_ziGn-"

"-tHuG_latina-"

GHETTO RULZ BEBE! LOL!

From: http://necrophillia.multiply.com/journal/item/336/What_lingo_is_this

New Pic Slides =)

2008-01-30T19:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes...

2008-01-21T02:23:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, when I'm going through something,
I just think about you...
I think of you and yearn to be able to talk to you...
But most of the time,
I can't seem to get a hold of you
(hopefully, it's only temporary).

And i do wonder...
If you are indeed someone I can talk to...

I hope so..
Because I hope to spend the rest of my life with you ....

Officially Missing You

2008-01-15T02:03:00.000-08:00

I thought I'm over it. The super strong feeling of missing someone. Once I thought that i could handle the scarce communication and moments of being together. It's a different thing altogether once you do get to see each other but don't really get to 'be' together.

So near yet so far. I realized I could handle those extended days we can't get to be together or can't really get to talk much, but only if those days are sufficiently filled in between with true quality time together.

This is just to say that I so miss his company. Meaning his company with his attention solely focused on ME!... that is so scarce now... I miss our simple, happy banter. Joking and kidding around. The mushy, cheezy and corny exchanges and well, just really spending time with each other.

I'm tired of sneaking a few minutes or a couple of hours at the end of the day to 'catch up' on stuff or to have a few moments together. I don't know if other people can get what I'm driving at.

I love it that we're there for each other for ordinary days. Or that we're there for each other even if we're not together. That we make plans for stuff. Or that we include other people in our plans. But I think we should have moments when it's not just about talking about everyday stuff or talking about plans, but really having time to spend to just enjoy each other's company.

A trip somewhere or find a nice and cozy hang out. So we can really talk. While we do grow and get to know each other better by being together and seeing each other move in our real life spaces. We can't discount the fact that we also still continue to get to know each other when we get to talk, chat and know what the other thinks about or how the other thinks about things.

Yun lang, I guess, that's just what I'm missing. Because it's been a long time since we've had real quality time where we can just have each other to ourselves. I just really miss that, and that's what I'm longing for now....

Konting tiis nalang...hehehe :)

From Frustration to Self-Psyco-Analysis

2007-11-06T00:13:00.001-08:00

I don’t know why I can’t work easily. I don’t know why I don’t feel that I need to prove myself to anyone. I don’t know where to get my motivation. Why am I so moody?

I’m blessed to have things relatively easy for me. I acknowledge that an I am thankful for it. Though I have my share of struggles and pains, I still feel as if I am a weakling. Maybe not really a weakling, but that I still haven’t grown as I should.

I don’t know why I feel this way. Maybe it’s because the world I choose to live in is a small one. Though it’s natural to me to reach out and help people in need, it is not natural for me to just reach out for the sake of expanding my network, expanding my territory.

I guess that’s just how I’m wired. With the limitations and scarcity that I’ve encountered in my life, I have learned to accept the things that I have, to live with it and make the most out of them. It’s quite unfortunate, I think, however that such experiences hasn’t pushed me enough to expand what little I have; to make it grow, to multiply into abundance. That is something I expect to come at the opportune time.

I think I’ve shared this with a friend before. Literally, I am an impatient person. I get impatient while falling in line or while waiting for someone I have an appointment with once they’re a tad bit too late. However, in life, I think I’ve been patient enough to wait for the things that are to come my way. In terms of friendships, opportunities for jobs, exciting activities, opportunities for travel even love. I think I’ve been able to wait patiently for the things that were meant for me, for the things that I would like to experience. Of course, it’s not completely passive waiting that I did. I made sure that my activities and behavior were directed to one day achieving or experiencing things which I desired for my life. Fortunately, they have arrived. In spite of setbacks, I think I’ve been able to experience a lot of exciting things in life and those things seem to have come at the opportune time for me.

Now, why was I led to talk about that? I don’t know. I just started writing this, again, out of frustration with not knowing what to write for something that has something to do with work. Oh, I remember. That actually led me to think again if this is where I want to be; If this is what I want to do; If this is where I’ll be able to use my talents and treasures to its highest potential. Sometimes I love it, sometimes, I’m just not inspired. That’s just downright frustrating. Especially, if I’ve been enlightened to offer my work to the Lord, to offer my work as my prayer. It’s difficult as it is to set my prayer time because it’s hard to fit it into daily schedules, plus of course the distractions once I do get that time alone. Now it’s even more difficult to offer up my work when I know my work is also full of distractions or is lacking inspiration.

As I get to know myself a bit more, it seems I’m proving how my theory on my entry on my difficulty with creating abstract art is really a reflection of how I am. I cannot move pointlessly, directionless, or plan-less. I can’t walk to any direction if I can’t visualize any end goal or result to the direction I am taking. Same way, I can’t work given too much freedom to not have a concrete deliverable each time. It sounds really boring but I guess that’s how I am. This is also probably why I’m one who has no problem with following rules or guidelines. Unless of course, it already steps on the emotional realm. But then, that’s another story… My mind trail has stopped. I shall cut this entry short lest I trail too far off. I think that has been my mind burp. Can’t say my mind was full of stuff, maybe it was full of air, which is why I needed to burp. Hopefully after this, I’ll be able to write the missive that I’m supposed to be composing… Ciao!

Our First Year Together ;)

2007-08-07T23:13:00.001-07:00

Happy Announcement!

2007-07-19T20:32:00.002-07:00

Not from me though. I'm just so happy to hear wonderful news this morning from a dear friend that she and her boyfriend are getting married this year!!!! Super happy for them. Especially for my sister-friend. I know this is something she's been longing for. She deserves this happiness.

Praise God for the wonderful, wonderful news!!! Y

The Missing Piece Meets the Big O

2007-07-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

Would like to share this beautiful story. Click on to the link to the short story written by Shel Silverstein.

This is for all those in search of the 'One'.... Cheerios!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCmZ2jrQooE

Finally!....

2007-07-16T04:39:00.001-07:00

I just had to put that in as my title as I've finally been able to sign into my blogspot account. I was thrown off track in terms of the log in process because of the merging with google where instead of my old username, i had to use my google account to log in. My goodness, if my laptop could talk back to me it would've told me how totally S-L-O-W i've been...

Anyways, that isn't the reason for my post. So, if my first paragraph seems so hazy, it's okay. It was just a rant....

The real title of this entry should be 'Simple Answered Prayers'. I was just so happy when I came in this morning, because I was dreading this day the entire weekend.

I doesn't help that I've been beset with financial concerns (which I try not to bring me down, as of the moment I've done all I have and I have all I have to work with). I know I shouldn't worry because there's this saying which I've been encountering a lot lately which I should keep in mind -- Worrying is an insult to God. I know sometimes we can't help it. So maybe instead of worrying, what we should do is continue to hope. Come to think of it, hoping seems to be worrying with a positive disposition, or maybe not. Hope has Trust, worrying well, doesn't.

Anyways, straying from my real topic. I just want to share a little blessing which really lightened my mood, my disposition actually. Gods truly works in amazing mysterious ways.

As I said, aside from being down because of some big concerns, I had immediate concerns which preoccupied me this past weekend. It was a meeting for today which I felt I wasn't entirely prepared for. I felt that if the meeting pushed thorough, I don't know, it would just make me feel so farther down in terms of my professional confidence especially if i feel that I won't be participating well in that meeting.

I've been having internal, personal struggles in terms of my current profession lately, and I don't need another blow to my personal insecurity. Not that anybody's putting me down. Honestly, it's just me. Again, I'm sorry for being so vague, but it's also a different entry altogether if i start listing down the reasons for my worries.

Anyways, over the weekend, I had my Gel to keep me strong in the midst of the bigger problems I've been facing. What I kept praying about was what I'll be facing today (alone) when I come to work and attend that meeting (with clients). On the outside, it might not seem like a big deal, but as I said, inside of me, if anything goes wrong, it might break my spirit (workwise).

Anyways, you want to know what the answered prayer is? it's so simple and yet so amazing..... the meeting did not push through. That's it. So simple. Yet it took off a big load off my shoulders. I know it sounds weird, but I guess it's something only God & I would understand. Sorry though that it had be be cancelled because the moderator of the meeting (who happens to be a client) fell sick. There must be a different reason for him why he had to get sick today.

Anyways, it's just amazing how that little, simple answered prayer compelled me to write an entry again in this blogspot of mine. It compelled me so much to the point that I'm writing this evening, past 7pm when I've been trying to log in to my account since 9am this morning.

I could've just let go and not share this story and yet i perservered.

The reason why it's such a big thing is because, this small answered prayer, not only made me feel better or relieved because of having 'escaped' that meeting, but because it actually propped my hope up some more in terms of the bigger problems that I am facing.

Last saturday night, Gel & I were in our garden. And out of the blue he just started reassuring me that everything's going to be okay and that I just have to continue hoping and believing. I was quite surprised with him saying that out of the blue. Silly me, I don't know why, but I thought he was just trying to make me smile. But he was serious. I said, of course I'm not losing hope.

But later on did i realize that I am quite nearly at my wits end. I wonder how my mom does it or how other people do it, or even how I've done it so far and for how long I can still hold on. I realized it I have been starting to get weaker, or I might be on the verge of starting to get weaker.

Anyways, as I said, this little answered prayer boosted my hope and faith again. Somehow, like a little vitamin. That God will indeed take care of me always. He will not forsake or leave me. So in whatever problem I may be facing, He knows what to do. He will take care of me & my family. And there will really be no need to worry.

The Climb of My Life... so far :p

2007-06-25T02:21:00.000-07:00

Had an experience of a lifetime during the last Independence Day holiday, June 11. For me it might very well be a once in a lifetime experience because I'm not sure if it's something i'd be doing again ever... or in the near future at least.

I tried wall climbing once, which was at the UP fair. That time, it was an exhilarating experience to reach the top on my second try. More so, this time, having been able to reach the top on my first try – not without any slipping and swinging action though.

Yup, I slipped and swung, a bit like a pendulum. Fortunately I was able to gather my wits not to let my head swing about while I swung back & forth the side of that mountain. I just kept my head still and let my poor bare arms just hit the wall.

Later did I realize that I still wasn’t halfway through the climb when that happened. At that point, I got a bit rattled and though that it must be time for me to rappel down. Yet my friends kept cheering me on. They were yelling at me to just relax and take my time. Ironically, it’s in these situations when one can or have to yell to get someone to relax. I was wondering how bad my ‘fall’ was. When I looked down the first expression I sought was that of my JB. Surprisingly, instead of a worried expression, what I saw on him was a reassuring look. He too coached me to relax and take my time. I was comforted even with him and all the others so far down.

I’d say the climb, for me was such a test of will power! I knew I’m not extremely fit, meaning I tend to tire easily now. I also wasn’t as confident about how strong my legs were to support me throughout the climb. I knew climbing isn’t all about power. You should also use your head to know which path to take to the top. Honestly, there was a point where I even doubted if I was even smart enough to reach the top, because the surface was quite difficult to scale with some parts seeming practically crevice-less or ‘ridge-less’. It did cross my mind to think about what could be more embarrassing, to not be able to reach the top because I’m not powerful enough or I’m not ‘smart’ enough to know which areas to cling to. Especially after having seen everybody else who has gone before me reach the top – most of whom have the same rock climbing experience as I (meaning co-first timersJ).

Aside from some smarts and actual power, this was also a moment when I was really able to use will power to overcome the obstacle before me. In spite of fears of not being strong enough or smart enough, I was determined to reach the top. There’s a fear of slipping which could happen by accident (as what happened) or when you give in to your ‘weakness’. But I felt that I just had to do it one stride at a time. I had to manage my fear and power (what’s left of it) to get to the top. It came to the point that I would count to three to psych myself each time I try to grab on to the next rock or crevice and push myself up to stand to go higher. In the midst of the cheers, which reassured me, I too had to cheer myself on.
As much as I’m open to adventures of this kind, I realize I do have a fear of heights, more of a fear of inclined areas, maybe. I think it’s due to an overactive imagination. There were parts of the activities where I practically froze because of fear. On was before climbing up a steep rocky slope (which was not an activity btw, but just a pathway to our base camp!) or letting go of the bridge railing so that I can slide down a rope (sorry, I don’t know what that’s called J).

The slope was steep and narrow, with vines and loose rocks. I was able to get down the slope nervously but carefully. But when I had to climb back up the slope, I think I spent a good 3 to 5 mins just staring at the rocks. I was imagining how if I stepped on unstable loose rocks I could easily slide down and who knows what could happen with all those rocks around. Eventually I was able to climb the slope. JB just showed me which areas I could latch on to get up the slope then followed close behind me.

One highlight for me, though, was when it rained! For some it wasn’t so wonderful that it rained because it means they weren’t able to have their turn to climb anymore. It would be too dangerous to climb by then. But what was so wonderful about the rain was to be soaked in it amidst such nature.

I loved the climb experience! It was a scary yet wonderful nature experience. I really felt like I ‘bonded’ with those rocks for a moment. Scaling the face of that mountain groping for crevices and ledges to rely on was like feeling the face of a person with your eyes closed. Imagine, climbing the face of a mountain with the soft breeze enveloping you as the gush of the river resonates in the background, not to mention the beauty of the nature all around.

** As I was writing about my climb experience earlier on, I can’t help but notice how my rock climbing experience could have similarities with climbing the corporate ladder, or pursuing a career, then again, it may be likened to life in general.

It’s a huge obstacle we’re faced with each day. We have our fears, we have our weaknesses, we have those times when we slip and fall. But our goal is to reach the top. Whatever happens, we have the choice to continue or to move on to the top. But there are people around us who cheer us on, who reassures us when we fall, people who may not be right beside us to feed us with what to do, but they’re there nonetheless to coach us, support us & inspire us. But a lot of the work also has to come from us. When we are faced with our own weaknesses, with our own fears, we will need our determination to keep going forward to keep going on. Things around us may weaken us, but it’s what inside us that will make us stronger. You know yourself. You will know how to pace yourself. You will know how to manage your strengths and weaknesses. You will know when to make the right timing.

But there’s something I wasn’t able to say earlier on about what else helped me reach the top. I had a harness on with a rope for belaying me. I realized, for me at least, that the rope wasn’t just there as a safety measure for in case I slip or fall (which I got to experience first hand), but more importantly, it also served as a source of strength for each time that I try to pull myself up. While I was psyching myself each time that I still have enough power to pull myself up, I figured how the rope, with the weight of the ‘belayer’ below, was also reassuring me that as I pull my self up, it will help me get up and maintain stability. Like an force that works with me or that I work with that helps each step of the way. Each time, I had to trust that that the one pulling the rope will help me take each step of the climb or else I’ll just freeze and give up.

I must say, that that force, I liken to God, whom I need to put all my trust in for each step that I make. I rely on Him not only when I slip, weakening or in need, but generally for every step that I make in life. I have people around me, who support, comfort and love me. I have my own will and determination to push myself to accomplish a task, but it won’t be enough to reach my goal. I also need God’s guidance and grace for the strength to move on. My own strength will never be enough.

It’s just so amazing how God shows Himself and makes Himself felt in any situation. I guess in a way, that climb was all about feeling God’s presence in my life, in life in general, through a very special situation.

102006

2006-10-20T02:46:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since i've played around with paint. i like this output. today has been a pretty uneventful day for me activity-wise. Internally, however, there were three things that bothered me emotionally this morning... but as the day progressed and as i went through different blog entires and email stories, all i got is a reaffirmation of how wonderful God works in our lives.

No matter how difficult things get, no matter how confused we get with the things that are happening to us, all we need to do is put our full trust in God and stay faithful... He has a bigger plan and He knows what's best for us.

I truly believe that He won't give us things we cannot handle and most especially that in anything, He will never leave us. It's just something we always need to keep in mind.

In spite of all the challenges, the problems, the uncertainties and insecurities, i am thankful for what i have and who i have in my life. I still am truly blessed.

Just a thought

2006-10-10T02:16:00.000-07:00

... there's a picture in my mind that i wish i could capture and print out... that time in the mall where we just crossed paths and casually greeted each other; he, with calling out my name & i, with an acknowledging nod. Who would've known that that would be the prelude to another unexpected meeting? The next one being the time to share a service, which eventually was the beginning of a beautiful, beautiful relationship...*

101006

2006-10-10T00:12:00.000-07:00

it's my niece's 5th birthday today... such a cutesy wootsie!

Just to share a story about her…so cute!

On an oral test the teacher shows Ashley as set of pictures which included the following: a cap, coins & a bike. She asks Ashley the question, ‘Ashley, if you’re going to the store what will you bring?’… Disregarding the pictures, she answers, ‘Daddy!’….Hahaha. My sister explains to the teacher that it’s because Ashley usually goes with her dad to the store. So the Teacher rephrases the question and asks Ashley to choose an answer from the pictures shown to her. This time, Ashley answers, ‘Bike’… Because her dad would usually take her to the store on a bike!....HaHaHa!

with little brother , Josh

samahan ko na rin ng pics ni josh. i think this was taken when he was newly born... ilang days palang ba siya dito? aren't babies and little kiddies just so cute?

928

2006-09-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

This is one momentous day. It’s twice happy and singularly tragic, if you can say that.

Happiness first!Happiness, because today marks the second month that JB and I are together. It’s a happiness I can’t say I’ve had in my past relationships.

Due to unavoidable circumstances, however Gel and I were not able to even see each other that day lest really celebrate our 2nd month of togetherness until the next day.Yes, we call each other Gel, short for angel-- hence my allustion to an angel in my previous post.

(pic was taken when we celebrated our 1st month)

But we were still happy (definitely!) with the fact that we’re still together, on this second month – though not physically, but together as a couple. It’s amazing how we understand each other. Sure sometimes a tinge of paranoia still creeps in that we worry about each other an miss each other a bit too much if we’re out of touch for a certain length of time.

But deep inside, we understand each other. We understand where we are in each others lives. We know what aspects of our lives are important to us as individuals and we know how much we love and value each other. Regardless of time or space. That's what's important. Together with love the trust & respect is really there.

I haven’t really talked about my angel in detail here, but right now, all I can say is that what he is to me is that he is truly Heaven sent ---literally! It’s just amazing how we were brought into each other’s lives and how it seems that we do fit albeit perfectly. it's like finding the right person at the right time, and we both happened to be in the right place too (all while doing our service). Never thought it could actually happen.

But I guess it won’t seem like such an impossibility really, especially when I think about how we really put God in the center of our relationship since the beginning (as in since courtship). It helps that before we really got together we were also both in love already, in love with God.

In two months, we've been through quite a lot, i guess. Mostly on how we are able to cope with whatever we're going through and being each other's support and strength. Though we haven't had any major problems yet, we do have our struggles. So we always pray for God's presence in our relationship. And we know that we'll say firm and strong as long as we have each other & God with us. With God, nothing is impossible! I really feel blessed to be with my Gel. In the SFC community, we call our boyfriends/girlfirends our "GG's" meaning God's Gift & JB truly lives up to the definition for me.

Anyways, talking about Gel deserves a devoted entry. Being part of a trio topic just won’t do him any justice. So, i'll write more about him soon. (With the rate i go with writing entries here though, i don't know how soon that
would be :P)

The other event for this day involves another angel. This time a little baby angel boy. This morning at 2am, Ashton James T. Hilado was born. The first Hilado in the line of pamangkins (in the 1st degree). He’s such a cute little baby boy that has the eyes, nose, lips and chin of his mother and the eyes, eyebrows and forehead of his father. No, he doesn’t have four eyes, it’s just that we can’t really tell if he’s got his mom’s or his dad’s eyes. Just check out the picture of one of the most adorable babies I’ve seen these days. Eat your hear out Suri (suri nga ba un? Anak nila Tom & Kate…okay, cute little girl un J) Malay natin Ashton & Suri might meet up sometime when they’re older and end up together. Would have to think though if
that’d really be something we’d like to happen. Hehe…

Such a nice name, Ashton. But with the typhoon that raged in Metro Manila this day the third topic) we’ve thought of giving Ashton a not so handsome nickname like Enyong or Menyong! Until my mom figured a more sossy sounding name …. Miles! Haha, dunno if that’d stick though. (two trees in front of our house were uprooted!)

Good think the office declared that there won’t be work today. Though I got to the office before 8am, I rushed home once there was confirmation of it being a non-working stormy holiday. I rushed home, then we went to the Hospital to visit our new baby boy. My mom & I went to the hospital together with Ashton’s maternal Lolo. At the hospital, we spent the afternoon with my brother Raffy (The New Daddy), Tracy (Ashton’s mommy) who was resting after a tiring birthing, and Tracy’s sisters (Nurse Mia & Cheery Tin2).

From Tracy’s story it was a tiring birthing indeed. But more than that, it was inspiring. Here we have a young mother experiencing, feeling every pain and effort to bring out her baby into this world. The challenge was such that at the time of her pregnancy she had a delicate condition where parts of her body were swollen. The name of the condition escapes me now. And there was a big probability of her needing a caesarian delivery since. Amazingly, out of sheer desire to deliver the baby normally and with the doctor’s confidence, Tracy was able to endure 2 hours of heaving (with the help of 2 nurses pushing the baby out of her tummy) and delivered Ashton without any need for a caesarean section.

That she did against all odds, even if her blood pressure was rising and she was
very tired and in pain. She was only given a ‘twilight’ anesthesia. Imagine giving birth half asleep! Gosh, sometimes it’s even hard to get dressed half asleep, manganak pa kaya! But she did it. Once Ashton was out, all Tracy had to hear was the voice of her little boy’s newborn cry for her to instantly fall asleep seconds after.

This day was a momentous ay. Despite the heavy winds and rains and the tragedy that it has caused, it’s not enough to dampen the day and keep us from continuing to celebrate Life & Love.

The Invitation & The Longing

2006-07-17T18:29:00.000-07:00

Am reposting this from my multiply site. Why? because it seems that my invitee has come and i've found the one i've been longing for... feel blessed to have met my angel...

Wana share these exerpts which i just love right now... it's from the book The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, given to me by dear planning sister & friend Bia! :p . The cover of the book goes:

it doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
i want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
it doesn't interest me how old you are.
i want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for Love, for your Dream,
for the Adventure of being alive....

following however, pretty much captured my sentiments, for who? well, i don't know yet... (now i know who it's for ^_^)

i want to be courted by truth.

let the stories that are telling our lives spin out in long multicolored threads.

don't tell me too much, too soon.

don't hide anything.

tell the tales of your heart,

offer them like perfect pearls coming up from the depths of the sea to be strung together,

each gently clicking against theother,

luminous and iridescent as they roll out of the moistness.

ten years from now i want to hear a story of your childhood i have never heard before

and know the delight and ongoing awe of seeing each other for the first time,

again & again.

give me each picture slowly,

so i can sit with it and find you, and the glimpses of me,

and the foreshadows of us there in the details.

i want to talk in seamless conversation all night long

and find ourselves able to hold the silence together for days,

our intimacy sharpened by shared solitude...

That Love Thingy

2006-05-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

I just had to stop what i was doing. Though I was happily getting started with working on our new topic for our department website, I suddenly felt a tug to stop and update my blog on something about, of all things, my lovelife. Didn't think i'd be writing anything about that here so soon. Well, anyway, the lyrics of Coco Lee's song suddendly came to mind and i felt i just had to post it here. Maybe for me to remember the message of the song before i get into another relationship. I don't know.

I don't know if am about to get into one. Most of the time I am confused with what's happening between me and one person. No doubt some feelings are already involved -- mine, at least -- that's why it's difficult for me to discern what's happening. Anyway, here's the song:

My heart says we've got something real

Can I trust the way I feel

'Cause my heart's been fooled before

Am I just seeing what I want to see

Or is it true, could you really be

(chorus)

Someone to have and hold

With all my heart and soul

I need to know, before I fall in love

Someone who'll stay around

Through all my ups and downs

Please tell me now, before I fall in love

I'm at the point of no return

So afraid of getting burned

But I want to take a chance

Please give me a reason to believe

Say, that you're the one

That you'll always be

(repeat chorus)

It's been so hard for me

To give m heart away

But I would give my everything

Just to have you say

(repeat chorus)

This song is just so apt for me. It's ironic though, how i sang this at a party where my ex also was, because it was his birthday celebration, which was right before he started to court me. That time, I didn't know how apt it was as a message for him.

Now, am finding it to be a song for yet another person. Fortunately, however, I can still say that am not yet at 'the point of no return', there's still a chance for me to come out unscathed. But i hope should the opportunity arise, i would be able to convey this message to him. I should learn from the past right? i definietly don't want to set myself up for another heartbreak.

For someonne else however, i find myself writing this little poem:

I THINK I'VE MET MY IDEAL MAN

NOW, WILL I END UP WITH HIM?

NOT MINE BUT GOD'S WILL BE DONE.

Things Are Looking Up!

2006-03-30T21:32:00.000-08:00

This is such an apt follow up to my last post. I know there was a tinge of uncertainty at the end of my previous post. Our analysis of the workings of our minds as discovered from the way we come up with drawings still proves true.

Just came out of a meeting with my boss this morning and I was so happy with the outcome. I've been working for almost 4 years in market research. But I'm a newbie in advertising so i somehow need to start again. Honestly, am not particular about titles except that you should of course be acknowledged for what you've earned. I don't mind starting over. Well, i thought I didn't. Until I felt that I was waiting too long for something to happen. I was looking for some excitement, but I can't seem to find it, or even have a glimpse of it.

I was wondering until when will i be 'newbie'. I didn't know if there were any plans for me, or what kind of advancement was in store. At first, I was patient, until I was getting restless.

Until this morning. I saw an end to an otherwise mundane existence. A change at least. I've found the excitement. I now have a goal. A next level to look forward to. Mas exciting na buhay ko... Salamat!

Word Clouds...

2006-03-29T01:42:00.000-08:00

got this from multiplymate teachersheryl's site... it's called a word cloud which you can get through http://www.snapshirts.com/custom.php

i've yet to dissect what my word clouds are all about, but i came up with two word clouds, one for each blogsite that i have.

the first one i got refers to the words that are randomly found in this particular blogsite. My word cloud for nuesummermoon is :

i have another blogsite however, which i think should be one i should already delete and forget about. it's the prelude to this nuesummermoon site. it's the original sweetsummermoongirl's site, which is now only a pastsummermoon... anyway, the theme's in that site encroaches the sadder part of my life, where my angsts and heartaches are locked in... My pastsummermoon word cloud came out like this:

what does it say?

Effort for Abstract

2006-03-20T01:17:00.000-08:00

This post is way overdue. I think these works were accomplished last year by me and my officemate toni. i shared with them my discovery about working with MS Paint which Toni also tried her hand on.

family picnic by mitzi

mood series by toni

It was amazing how these discoveries on how we were able to create our 'works of art' revealed something about ourselves. You see, as much as they admired the way i was able to 'paint' a portaits of people, like this family, using a difficult medium such as MS Paint, I've also wanted to be able to come up with abstract art as one of my works using this software.

However, as attempted to create an abstract figure, much to my dismay, I only found myself coming up with patterns much like a wallpaper or textile design. While Toni's work came effortlessly and enjoyably for her, i could not seem to make one of my own.
It's interesting how we realized what could be behind the reasons for our creating such works.

As i talked to Toni. I discovered, that she generally does not find it difficult to go with the flow and make something up wiht the things she is given with without any specific goal or objective in mind. Somehow, she eventually finds it along the way.

I've always thought of myself to be the same way. But with these works, and with the help of Toni, i realized that it's actually quite hard for me to do something or go forward if i do not have a visual of any objective in mind. What motivates me is the end objective I see for whatever it is that i do.

I don't know how Toni sees this realization about her more 'abstract' predisposition has manifested in her life. But i seem to have understood myself more with the realization about my 'profiler/realistic' tencencies.

As i work now. I somehow find, that i will find more fulfillment with doing something where i will have a concrete output that will directly affect something. An end to a process. It seems that work that involves tracking and constant updates do not fit me very well, because these are types of work where there isn't a concrete end in sight.

I've also realized that setting an objective for myself also makes it easier for me to get over and move on with things. The knowledge that there's an end to whatever pain helps.
In my life in general, I'm still finding myself quite lost with regard to what my real purpose in life is. I believe I have discerned that I am for the married life. However, as i work towards that, there is still an uneasiness about me as i am not yet seeing myself fulfilling it anytime soon.

At this point, finding him (i may have found him already) and having him here with me already will really do a lot in setting the direction of my life. The ;'what' is important, but even more important to me it seems, is the 'with whom'.

1st Climb!

2006-02-16T17:34:00.000-08:00

Went to the UP Fair last Feb. It's been a long time since my friends & I have gone to UP. It was such a 'fair-y' experience for me. I got to try wall climbing for the first time. Ever since i've wanted to try it out, and now i have.

Preparing to climb! Steady.... Oops! di ko na ata kaya
Slipping...

Getting the hang of it! Finally, that's me at the top!

I honestly didn't think i'd make it to the top. But i did! it was really tiring. It was a Climb one wall for P20, Climb the next wall for free. My friends and I even joked that like with strict eat-all-u-can buffets, it probably also meant that you'd have to pay extra if you wouldn't be able to finish climbing the other wall. Haha. Apparently they had a different promo. If you're able to sucessfully climb, you get a free wall to climb.

On the first try, I couldn't even get past half the wall. It was just too tiring! I so realized just how un-fit i was. I watched the other girls before me climb like effortly up the walls. I couldn't help but feel bad about the state of my fitness. Forunately the people assisting the climbers were very encouraging. One of them said all i needed was to take a bit of a rest, I still had a free wall to use to try climbing again. But I was like, 'nooo, it's impossible for me to actually climb that thing. barely halfway up, my legs and arms were already shaking, and I'm not even that heavy'... i was panting like crazy.

But the man insisted, so i hung around a while, still with my gear on, panting and watching. On my second try, i got more tips on how to rest on the way up. how to keep my balance while resting and how to really use my legs to push myself and not my arms to pull my body up.

It took some time, but as proof in my picutres, I made it to the top. Thanks to my friendies, cheering me on down below and taking my picture. Of course, I insisted that they take my pic..hehehe

It was such a fun fair experience for me. Because the moment I left the wall climbing booth we proceeded to a CHIKKA booth nearby and i got a free shirt. Because I had more than 50 contacts in my chikka account. I think it reached around 70+... haven't been using it lately though. Now, ain't going to a fair complete unless you get some kind of freebie?

Another element in the fair which we looked for was the fortune telling booth. That's because we went to one the last time we went to a UP fair. For fun's sake. I don't remember anymore what the fortune told to me was at that time. Anyway, the funny part was, we mistook a group of students huddled in front of a tent as people managing a fortune telling booth. Just because we saw a bunch of playing cards scattered in their midst. As in binalikan pa namin sila when we thought of having our fortunes read... It was really hilarious how my friend asked if they can do fortune telling only to be given an blank expression. After that, it looked as if any group, crouched on the grass looked like they can tell your fortune...

It was also great listening to the bands. There I discovered that the lead vocalist of Itchyworms was a very funny character. was fun watching them. The one of the reasons why we chose to go on the night we went to the fair was because Bamboo was playing. However, being the best, which was saved for last, it was getting too late and we couldn't wait for him to come out anymore. Still had work the next day.

So we went on our way home.

Relationships

2006-01-29T21:06:00.000-08:00

I've got sad news. It's been confirmed that one of my favorite couples have broken up. I'm not one to say that I know them so well, haven't even seen them in person-- together at least. However, for some reason, they are the sort of 'stranger-friends' who are quite special to me. I've known them these past couple of years and theirs was a relationship that i admired. From my standpoint at least, since i don't know everything that goes on between them. Little did i know that they've been having problems big enought to actually lead to such severance of ties.

For some reason, this has affirmed my fears about the fact that sometimes, you really don't know whom to entrust your heart to. How will you know? At this stage, it gets more difficult, because once you entrust your heart, it's pretty much like entrusting your whole life already. It's a scary reality. While others are quite lucky to easily find their true partners, it can be a scary, tiring and risky process for some of us.

Fortunately, inspite of having my fears fullfilled a number of times which led me to continue to be 'afraid', I don't think I've been really left jaded by it all. I'm as cautious as ever, but I do still believe in giving myself, and others, a chance. I can just really leave the rest in God's hands.

This morning, it's amazing what I encountered as I was reading one of my sources of spiritual nourishment (Embraced by Bo Sanchez). Because it affirmed my natural tendency to still be open to new relationships (okay, i'm pertaining to romantic relationships, because I really don't have much problems with friendly ones).

Anyway, this particular topic struck me. It's entitled: THE SIN OF SELF PROTECTION with a verse from Genesis 2:18 which states "it is not good for man to be alone" .

Let me just share the part for meditation. It says:

'Some hide, distance and move away from most relationships. They do so because they want to protect themselves from more pain. But when they barricade themselves, they will never experience total trust and total deseration for the love of God. They need ti to leard how to rely on the Divine love to heal their future wounds.

'By throwing themselves into relationships, by being honest and vulnerable, by giving their real selves to another -- they are also trusting that God will love them perfectly in the midst of a sea of imperfect human love, to satisfy them in a way no one else can.'

Although it may take time, I hope my friend will also not be too jaded by what has happened.

Daddy's Speech

2006-01-09T00:22:00.000-08:00

I loved my dad's speech during my sister's wedding last November 2005. First, he pointed out how the day rekindled past emotions on when he was walking down the same aisle to get married with my mom walking alongside him as his, then, bride to be.

You see, my sister was married on the 30 years and 5 days after my parents got married, in the same church at that!

I was too busy and a quite flustered attending to my duties as maid of honor -- assisting my sister with her gown during & after the ceremony, taking note of all my sister's instructions for the reception, etc.--- that I hadn't realized the additional significance of that date and place to my parents.

What's beautiful was what he said about how he remembered that 3o years before, walking down that same aisle, he felt that freedom and restriction at the same time because of of his decision to finally get married to my mother. I don't recall his exact words, but it was something like feeling the freedom of making such a big and valuable decision in his life choosing to spend the rest of his life with one person (which eventually led to having 7 more people in his life :D) at the same time, of course, being well aware of the restricions that come with the conviction of really standing by his decision.

...Which leads me to his other beautiful point that came out more as a piece of advice to the newlyweds and anyone else planning on doing the proverbial marital jump.

He shared his theory or 'suspicion' as to why a lot of marriages do not last. The idea he had lie precisely on the principle of making such a big decisions and standing by it. He surmised, that maybe somehow, those couples did not take marriage and their vows seriously. They did not quite realize before they entered into marriage that it is indeed something where you're not supposed to have the option to just up an leave when things get difficult or when you suddenly change your mind.

He definitely knows what he's talking about. Because I'm sure my parents' relationshiop is not all rosy and blissful. They have their share of differences and problems. But they've endured. They chose to be together and love each other, no matter what. I know in spite of everything, they're still being together, is not so just for the sake of the bond of their marriage. But because they still choose to be together and love each other because it is their promise to each other.

I so agree that marriage is something not to be entered into lightly. That it is a decision one should know and consider as something one can never back out of once it's made. Just on that idea, I do hope to find a man like my dad. Someone who values marriage the same way my dad does.

On that note, I'd like to end this entry with something i keep getting from forwarded emails that I do believe in. It goes....

Falling in love is not by choice but by chance;

Staying in love is not by chance but through work;

Falling out of love is not by chance, but by choice.

lll

2006 New Year's Resolution

2006-01-05T01:32:00.000-08:00

2006 has finally arrived. And so, it is yet again time to come up with my New Year's resolutions in hopes of coming out a better individual by the end of the year. I honestly do not remember what my resolutions were for 2005. I seem to have lost track of them sometime within the year, but I have a strong feeling they're not so different from my current resolutions.

I do remember that one of my goals last year was to learn how to drive. Never got around to doing that though. I still only know how to drive up to second gear, doing only right turns, thanks to my dear friend who sometimes, probably in moments of insanity, takes the chance of teaching us how to drive using his dear car.

Though I hope I can somehow squeeze it in as one of my must do's this year, it's not really much of a priority. To begin with, we don't have a car! so I really won't have anything to drive. No use learning if I an't got anything to practice with or eventually use yet. Well, maybe I just need to know if I am capable of learning it. haha!

Much as my mom assured me that there's no need to worry about hitting anything or anyone while driving because you'll find that the car would pretty much be like an extension of your body, I am actually quite apprehensive about how I would be as a driver. Along with having a faulty foot (see 'Mitzi-isms' below) I just keep bumping into walls, doors and fences and stuff, while walking! WHILE WALKING!!! What more if my body's connected to a ton of metal? (does a car weigh a ton, by the way?).

Well, ANYWAY, that was a long enough intro for and far enough segue from this entry's topic. I think I just need to record my resolutions for 2006. So I'll have something to get back to once in a while to check if i'm keeping them.

As a chatmate of mine pointed out to me, my resolutions basically revolve around wealth, health, and spirituality. Hopefully, it's for the improvement of my life experience in general (but then again, isn't that what it's supposed to be?). Haba nanaman ng isa pang intro! Without further ado, my resolutions are:

…to make it a point to really save! Save! Save! (maybe i'll set a target on how much savings i

should have by the end of the year)
…to make it a point to do my daily crunches…good luck talaga!
…to make it a point to really set time for my prayer time… miss ko na Siya kausap actually…
…to make it a point to learn how to cook…at least have a specialty by the end of the year…

…to make it a point to learn how to sew, as in actual clothes from scratch...

It goes without saying that I'll try to be a better person (in so many was) and really apply the things I've learned from people I meet and experiences I've had.

Cheers to 2006!

"Mitzi-isms"

2006-01-04T02:48:00.000-08:00

i love the beach but haven't been there for sooo long....

i love to eat!!! :) maya't maya gusto ko sana kumakain ako... kahit kukutkutin...

always and forever will be a hopeless (but practical!) romantic......

pnapapagkamalan mataray...aminadong moody pero mabait naman...minsan o madalas, mahiyain lang...

i have TERRIBLE sense of direction! map please!!!

i hate waiting...would appreciate it if people come on time...i really hate waiting, especially if i don't have anything to do while waiting!!!!!

i have a faulty foot!...

i have the uncanny ability to love something or someone i particularly dislike!!!!...

a closet drama queen...if not in person, on paper.... cheers to the lights!

am basically not easily impressed but easy to please...tolerant about a lot of things happening to me and around me, but i try to rationalize these things as i do so...

nostalgic and sentimental... resminiscing about happy times...

simple lang, actually...

Got this from http://web.tickle.com/invite?test=1108&type=t

It says my color is Green, the color of growth and vigor.

Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

how nice :p

2006-01-04T01:30:00.000-08:00

~Love and Time~

… Love began to cry.

Then, she heard a voice say, “Come, Love, I will take you with me.” It was an

elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name.
When they arrived on land, the elder went on his way.

Love realized how much she owed the elder. Love then found Knowledge and

asked, “Who was it that helped me?”. “It was Time”, Knowledge answered.
“But why did Time help me when no one else would?” Love asked.

Knowledge smiled and, with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered,

“Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.”

This is only a portion of the story about Love and Time, which along with all other emotions, were trying to escape the sinking island they were in. It's a good personification of the emotions to understand Love better... Is it really only Time that is capable of understanding how great Love is?...

Yes, in a sense that it is the only witness to the things that Love can do...because only through Time will we see each other's real character and flaws, and only in Time will we see the sacrifices and care that we do for each other... Love will only be given an chance to bloom and grow, to transform and mature into something real and true if it is given enough Time...

In the beginning of it all, however, i believe only a little Time is needed for one to know if Love would indeed grow ... sometimes all it takes is an instant...*U*

10 Questions

2006-01-02T18:47:00.001-08:00

Pick a band/artist/album + Answer using only titles of their songs
I choose MYMP

+ Are you male or female: 'Would you be my Girlfriend?'

+ Describe yourself: Get me (You know that I will always be just fine I'm okay, I'm alright, I am superb And everything that I can think of)... 'coz am just okay right now... neither here nor there, but okay... getting there :p

+ How do some people feel about you: Tell me where it hurts ... wahahaha! i got stumped on this one... can't find a song...

+ How do you feel about yourself: True Colors ...somethimes there are just some things that leaves me disillusioned, but fortunately, as of now, i don't think i can really be jaded... would just have to continue being myself and keep believeing in what i believe in... keep showing my true colors...

+ Describe your ex: Paalam na (di lang laan sa isa't isa) ... need i say more?

+ Describe your views on your significant other or crush: Rush (And then that's when I met you Faith could have brought me to you I know you're my answered pray'r ‘cause I see in you Eyes that could see through me Warmth that takes away my plea Where my heart is felt as it changes speed I know when it's time we allow love to take its seat) ... whoever you are....(^._,*)

+ Describe what you want: Awit ng Saya tulay ng Maykapal inuugugnay ang ating pagmamahalan. gawa ng lakas na di guguho, sa minsang pagsubok na napagdadaanan ng buhay. hayaan mo akong umawit, ako lamang, ay nagpapasalamat) ... as i said, "i'm okay, am alright, i am supeb", but if there's anything else i'd so want is to be thankful for something like this... ung hindi na talaga guguho...God-willing :D

+ Describe how you live: Ginoo, Walay Sukod ... i have no idea what it literally means, but it's a song of praise, and that's how i want to live my life praising God always :)

+ Describe how you love: Whenever, Wherever, Whatever (Lead me on, boy, if you must...take my heart and my love, take of me all that you want. And if there's anything that you need, i'll give you my breath, that i breath. If ever you yearn for the love in me....wherever, whenever, whatever, baby) ... to the right one, by all means, whenever, wherever, whatever!!!!

+ Share a few words of wisdom: JAM (Set your spirits free) ... that's it, just set your spirit free!